David Boreanaz, Denise Richards
If I were to choose two words for this slasher flick, they'd
be: clichˇ and formulaic. Apparently, there was a young geek
who was humiliated (reminiscent of Carrie except without
the pig's blood) at a junior high Valentine's Day dance. Because
of this incident, he becomes mentally screwed up and 13 years
later starts killing the five girls (and everyone around them)
who humiliated him back at that dance.
When I first started watching this film, I tried to remember
names and relationships of the characters. Twenty minutes
in, I realized this was futile. None of the character's have
any depth. With so many of them walking in and out of the
film, you almost need a score card to figure out who is who.
The only constant is that if they have more than three lines
or two minutes of screen time, they're going to die. And when
their time is up, you'll know it ahead of time, because they'll
walk off on their own into a dark and secluded part of the
In fact, everything in this film is so predictable that
it drains anything remotely close to tension out of the film.
With most slasher/horror flicks, there's at least a few moments
where tension builds as the viewer waits to see how and when
the next victim will get it. In this film, it's obvious and
apparent when someone's going to die. Even worse, the villain
has no on-screen menace. It's like he wishes he was as fear-inducing
as Michael Myers or Jason, but just doesn't have the stomach
While the film itself isn't as visually bad as some of the
garbage churned out in the 70s and 80s (Friday the 13th
parts 3 and later come to mind), it just seems uninspired
to do anything except work towards it's obvious resolution.
Both the direction and acting are uninspired. In fact, I was
disappointed with David Boreanaz, who is great as the broody,
yet off-handedly funny vampire in his Angel TV series.
Here, he was just a dull, alcoholic boyfriend.
I really didn't feel like getting into plot details, because
you'll know what's going to happen before it does and if I
told you anything, it would ruin what little surprise there
might be here. You'll know who the killer is, if not by the
obvious signs, then by process of elimination (everyone else
gets killed). With all that said, Valentine is not
worth the time or money unless you want to 1) see Boreanaz
shot in daylight, or 2) see Denise Richard die. Any other
reason just isn't good enough.