Recently, there seems to be a growing trend of rudeness
and inconsideration at the movie theaters. In fact, the last
few times I've gone, I've had to contain myself so as not
to yell profanities at other movie goers. For this reason,
I have decided to detail a list of rules which movie-goers
should consider before heading back to the theaters. While
I know that most of the offenders will ignore these suggestions,
if I can change the mind of at least 1% of movie goers, my
work and frustration will (at least partially) be justified.
Don't take kids to adult movies - Seriously. If you
want to see an R-rated love movie, leave your kids at home.
They're just gonna get bored, make a lot of noise and run
in-and-out of the theater, looking for something to do. Don't
ruin the experience for other people.
No cell-phones or beepers - This should go without
saying. If you have to be so connected to the outside world,
then why are you taking two hours out of your life to stop
and watch a film. If your phone goes off and you bother to
answer, you deserve to get hit in the head with a flying bucket
Don't talk - If you're a talker and can't sit through
a movie without making comments, stay home and wait for the
movie to come out on cable or video. Most of the movie-going
world doesn't care what your opinion is, and we don't want
to hear it muttered along with the script of the film. The
only time this is forgivable is if the movie is so bad that
you are actually heckling it. This is not advisable in a packed
Don't spoil the movie - Please, whatever you do, don't
walk out of a movie and talk about the "surprise ending"
that you didn't see coming. Most likely, everyone else in
the lobby hasn't seen the ending coming either and WILL
NOT appreciate having the movie ruined for them before
they even take a seat. This is a good way to end up in a fight.
Use the bathroom before the movie - Do yourself and
the rest of us a favor and use the bathroom before you sit
down to enjoy the movie. If you know you can't last two hours
without a visit to the bathroom, then sit at the end of the
aisle, so as not to interrupt all the people you'll have to
squeak by the get out.
Show up on time - There are a number of ways you can
find out when the movie is going to show. Try and be responsible
enough to manage your time well. Showing up five or ten minutes
into the movie is disruptive and rude. If you can't show up
on time, then don't bother. On the other hand, showing up
during the previews and commercials is all right. Those are
intended for short attention spans anyway.
Babies - Yes, babies are cute and all, but they have
this innate ability to start crying at the most inopportune
time. This is disruptive to not only for everyone else, but
for either the father or mother who will have to take the
screaming child out. Hire a baby-sitter or ask a family member
to watch the child. You'll be doing all of us a favor.
Don't leave your kids - Handing your kids a couple
bucks and telling them to hang out at the theater is the worst
thing you can do as a parent. The movie theater is not a day-care.
Letting your children run around wild like this just shows
poor parenting skills. You know they'll misbehave and try
to sneak into the first R-rated movie they can. If you don't
want to watch your children, leave them at the mall. At least
there, people aren't trying to enjoy a film.
Don't make out - There's nothing more pathetic than
going to a movie to make out. Save yourself the money, drive
your car out to your local make-out point and save the rest
of us your sickening kissy-fest.